June 1 - it's already been a month!

I know it’s been a while since I last updated my blog, so here’s some random things about what I’ve been up to, things I’ve been thinking about, things I’ve learned about life in Qatar.

ALL ABOUT THE SEXES – THE SUPERFICIAL AND THE NOT-SO-SUPERFICIAL LOWDOWN

One of the first things you notice when passing women in public is the odour. Holy crap, they love their perfume, and they wear so much, it’s like they bathe in it. Although to be fair, the men seem to be just as enthused with cologne. Beyond gross. There are huge stores everywhere devoted to nothing but the art of selling mass-produced and making up customized fragrances. Never in my life have I seen such an obsession with scent. For someone like me, who detests most artificial fragrances, it’s really quite unpleasant. I truly don’t know what’s behind this – do they have an inherent fear of smelling bad?

Overall, there does seem to be an awful lot of emphasis on cosmetics and the beauty industry. The cosmetics section of the grocery store is twice the size of what you’d find in North America. All manner of lotions and potions can be found, including endless varieties of skin-whitening creams. Women may be covered from head to toe with an abaya or a niqab, but regardless, they are made up to the nines. Foundation, heavy eyeliner, mascara, blush, lipstick – and whereas we might make ourselves up like this for a fancy night out or a wedding, this is their everyday look. There are exceptions, and my one Qatari student is among them. She neither wears makeup nor perfume, and frankly I think she looks and smells better than most of the other GCC (gulf cooperation council, i.e., countries including Saudi Arabia, UAE, Qatar, Bahrain, Oman, Kuwait) women I’ve seen. One of my students, Mahsa, grew up here, but her background is Persian. She is absolutely lovely and was in fact chosen as the model for the UCQ ads you see around (see photo). As for me, I’ve already gone for a pedicure and a manicure. These were cheap, well-done, relaxing (included thai massage) and, conveniently, about 400 m away, just around the corner. Of course, I nearly melted walking over there.

As for men, God only knows what is up with the footwear. I’d take pics, but you can’t really take photos of these people. You’d have to see it to believe it. I mean, they deck themselves out in the gaudiest, most expensive watches and jewelry money can buy but wear the ugliest sandals I’ve ever seen. If my boyfriend wore sandals like that, I’d be like: “listen, it’s me or the sandals.” I mean, I don’t like boy feet at the best of times, but shod like this, they’re enough to make me vomit in my mouth a little bit.

Oh wait, sometimes they dress a little better: many guys will dress up in western clothes and then come to the hotels so they can drink. Alcohol is illegal here, unless you have a liquor permit, which you can only get if you’re an expat with a certain kind of visa, which I don’t have. I’m allowed to drink in a bar or a hotel (as long as I show my passport), but can’t go buy alcohol in a liquor store. Anyway, they try to pass as non-Qataris so they can drink.

So enough superficiality, let me tell you about sexual socialization.

And that’s all I have to say. Seriously, there is none. You do NOT see girls and boys or young men and young women together. Ever. I was at the Grand Hyatt pool on Friday with Pamela (we had an incredibly awesome day), and around 16h00, it suddenly got really loud. I was like: “WTF is going on?” She was like: “wait, you gotta see this.” So she takes me over to the edge of the pool area, which is kind of along the beach, but really it’s this huge canal. And there’s all these jet skis with young men on them shooting up and down this canal, chasing after speedboats so they can do crazy jumps in their wakes. One of the strangest gatherings I’ve ever seen. What was equally strange was all the spectators: huge groups of young men in thobes (the white robes they wear) and, of course, grotesque sandals, with not a single young woman among them. See video. Hmmm, that didn't work: it says "sorry, there was an error uploading your video - server rejected". I'll try tomorrow from work. Ooh I think I know what's wrong - the video might be too long.

ARRANGED MARRIAGE

So, it seems if you don’t have a sibling of the opposite sex, you may just not have any contact with peers of the opposite sex until your marriage is arranged. I talked with Abdullah (my driver) about arranged marriage. His was arranged by his parents many years ago in Kerala, India. Now, bear in mind this was many years ago and today things are a little different. They may also be different in GCC countries than in India. In any event, he met his wife, Nafisa, exactly once before they got married. Both sets of parents wanted to match up the kids. So Abdullah went to go see Nafisa. Both sets of parents asked them what they thought of each other and whether they were okay with getting married. They both said yes. That was step 1. Step 2: Abdullah’s female relatives went to investigate Nafisa, met with her, made sure she was in tiptop shape (he literally said they checked to make sure her arms and legs worked properly and that she wasn’t messed up in the head). They approved, so they gave her a piece of jewelry. Step 3: the marriage. This consists of a ceremony between the groom and the father of the bride, who essentially shake on it. The Mullah sings a song pronouncing the marriage valid. The bride isn’t even there. Then there are two separate receptions: one for women and one for men. This description of the marriage particulars seems applicable to all Muslim countries. These days however, once the marriage is arranged, the prospective bride and groom at least get to know each other a bit over the phone before the actual wedding day and have the opportunity to call it off if they can’t stand each other. I don’t really know what to make of this. I mean, I’ll judge their footwear, but who am I to judge their way of life? Divorce is much rarer here than in the western world, although to what extent that’s because of societal pressures as opposed to the real desire to make a marriage work, who knows? But it did get me thinking that perhaps if my parents had arranged my marriage, maybe they would have done a better job than I obviously did.

THE GOVERNMENT AND SHARIA LAW

Here’s what I learned from Sara (my student), whose dad is a judge. The laws that apply depend where you’re from. If you commit a crime in Qatar and you are a GCC citizen, then you’re subject to Sharia law. So, if you steal and are found guilty, they will cut off your hand. But not here; instead they’ll send you to Saudi Arabia to take your punishment. If you kill someone and you’re found guilty, they’ll send you to Saudi to be executed. As I understand it, Saudi is where there’s a kind of centre of Islamic law, so that’s where the punishments are applied. Sara explained to me that if you’re arrested for a crime, and you’re guilty, you’ll confess because they’ll send the imam (Islamic version of a priest, though not quite the same because he’s not an intermediary between you and Allah – instead he’s more like a rabbi, I guess) and you’ll tell him the truth. So I asked her: “what if you either don’t believe or don’t want to admit it?” This was an utterly foreign concept to her. She said that if you’re a GCC citizen, then you’re a good muslim. Hmmm, so what to think of the men in thobes coming out of the Chinese body centre (massage parlour) around the corner from my place at like 1h00. Or the young men who try to pass as westerners so they can drink? Anyway, you go to trial and you’ll have a lawyer, but he, like the judge and all members of the court are actually religious men.

If you’re not a GCC citizen, but your country applies Sharia law (for example, Iran, Indonesia, etc.) then you might receive the same punishment as a GCC citizen. If you’re from a non-Islamic country, you’ll essentially be banished forever from all GCC countries. But you’ll go scot-free, is my understanding.

I talked with Sara a little bit about why Canada doesn’t have capital punishment, i.e., the reasoning my dad once explained to me, that it’s better to let 10 guilty men go free than to execute a single innocent man. And I told her the story of David Milgard. She was quite interested and seemed to get it. I also asked about freedom of speech, and whether you are free to oppose the government. So I gave the example that if I wanted to, I’m free to march around anywhere I please with a placard proclaiming that Stephen Harper is the devil incarnate. Or that George Bush is a total idiot. I asked if Qataris could do the same in relation to their emir. She was flabbergasted. Not because that’s against the law, but because the emir is such a wonderful person that EVERYBODY loves him. I told her about how Falun Gong practitioners in China risk being thrown in prison, or worse. She asked whether it was a religion. I explained that it was more of a philosophical movement, nothing really to do with religion. She had never heard of this, didn’t really know what communism was, didn’t understand the whole concept. Here in the GCC, your religion is indicated on your passport and that’s all that matters. She said to me: “doesn’t the Canadian government know your religion?” I explained that not only does my passport bear no mention of religion, but also if I want to practice a religion that worships the man in the moon, I’m free to do so, as long as doing so doesn’t require me to break any laws. It was a very interesting conversation, to say the least.

WHY YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE A CAR ACCIDENT IN QATAR - AT LEAST NOT IF YOU'RE A NON-GCC

Last friday, I spent a lovely evening with a new friend, John, hanging out at his apartment, drinking a copious quantity of white wine (he's been here 6 yrs and so has a liquor permit), listening to and talking about music, and just shooting the shit in general. What a nice guy - very interesting too. Anyway, he's lived here for a long time and gave me lots of great insight, and told some interesting stories, including about car accidents. Incident 1: now, I can't remember who this happened to, someone who worked at UCQ, but who's no longer here, so I haven't met her. She was driving in a roundabout with a couple of passengers in a fairly small car, when a qatari man in a land rover (what else?) smashed into her from behind. The cops showed up, rubbed noses with the qatari man, discussed stuff with him in arabic and he got in his undamaged vehicle and happily drove away. She and one of her passengers were injured - badly enough that they had to go to hospital in an ambulance. Not only was she later found to be at fault for the accident (which she wasn't), but also, she was charged with abandoning her vehicle following an accident. She had to pay two stiff fines. John himself had a similar tale. Also an accident in a roundabout. Basically, a qatari guy did a sudden move into his lane and he had no time to do any evasive manoeuvre, and there was an accident. But in this case, the offending driver was a traffic cop. So whose fault was it? Yes, that's right. John's fault. When he went to to cop shop, he tried to protest and explain his side of things but ultimately realized the futility of it all, and paid the fine. So that's how it is in Qatar. If you're GCC, you're golden. Otherwise, you're in deep doo-doo.

THE TEACHING

Imagine my disappointment. Of my 3 students, 2 failed the midterm. I totally took it personally, felt like I was a shitty teacher, but after talking with several other instructors, it seems this is not unusual. The two who failed were Mahsa and Sara. Now, it might be relevant that Mahsa has missed 5 of 12 lectures/labs/tutorials (and never comes to class having completed the assigned readings) and that Sara has missed 3 (and usually doesn’t do the readings). I spoke with Stephany (perfect attendance record), who came to my office to view her exam and when she looked at it, she saw immediately how she made her mistakes, but said the exam was fair and held no real surprises. I hope they do better on the final.

FOOD

Going to the grocery store is weird. I’ve found a better place to do my shopping. It’s called Lulu Hypermarket. It’s gigantic and has a great selection, way better fruits and veggies and is cheaper than the others. However, things are very strangely organized and it’s amazing to me to be in a store that has 50 varieties of mangoes (no joke) but hardly any coffee. Oh, and Luxury seems to be the keyword in brand names. My hand soap is called Lux, my TP is called Luxury toilet paper, my cereal is called Luxury oat & nut crunch, you get the idea. None of these items are particularly luxurious – I guess the word “luxury” just makes things seem more appealing. What else? Oh, there’s an entire aisle devoted to dates (and let me tell you, after having eaten dates over here – well, let’s just say I don’t think I can ever go back to the crap that passes for dates in N. America). So, if you’re wondering what I’m bringing you back as a gift (assuming you’re on my gift list), wonder no longer: dates. I may have to bring a suitcase full of dates. But I have to say overall, man, is the food ever AWESOME here. Especially the fish, so fresh, it’s caught the same morning it arrives in the grocery store. The nuts (all kinds of incredible flavours) are amazing. Hummus, tabbouleh, baklava, and, like I said, dates. But not just plain dates. Chocolate covered dates. Dates stuffed with nuts. Dates with a nut inside, and wrapped in a chocolate-coconut soft delicious melt-in-your-mouth kind of confection.

NEW FRIENDS

At the time I left, despite my excitement over my upcoming trip to Qatar, I was terrified. This was my 1^st time travelling alone and I was going so far, leaving my boyfriend, my bird and my friends behind, and heading to something completely unknown. I remember it was about 3 nights before I left – that was the first time I nearly broke down. I was standing outside the Blind Beggar and Davey (Greg’s bandmate) said: “what – you’re leaving Sunday? Can we see you again?” Then he turned to Greg and said “Can we see your girlfriend again before she leaves?” I nearly burst into tears right there. But I didn’t, I saved that for the airport (oh man, the drama).

Anyway, one of the things I worried about was what the people at UCQ would be like – would I fit in, make friends, etc. However, at the same time, I knew full well I’d only be here for 2 months and that it would be best not to get attached to people or let them get attached to me. But if you know me at all, you know that was a losing proposition from the get-go. Of course I made friends, how could I not? These people are great.

In particular, and most unexpectedly, I’ve met several women I just click with and laugh hysterically with, who understand me and what I’ve been through and seem to appreciate me for who I am. So I thought I’d tell you a bit about them.

CJ is the go-to-girl on campus when it comes to IT. When you tell her you have a problem – she kind of gives you this look and spouts off something like “yeah, the computer does that just to mess with your head”. But she comes and fixes it like it’s no sweat. She’s super chill, despite the fact that she’s also in school at the moment and changing jobs in September. Oh, and I bet you she’s the only IT woman anywhere who strides all over campus in these beautiful, but horribly impractical heels. She admits to being turtle-obsessed (thank god!) and is extremely funny, resilient, intelligent and down-to-earth.

Suzanne is fascinating. Parents from Egypt, but born in Ethiopia, but grew up most of her life in Toronto. Eventually moved to the M/E, lived in Egypt (where she met her husband) and Bahrain, before coming to Qatar. She’s a chemist and teaches biology in the foundation program (sort of like our freshman courses). She’s got little kids (so cute) and tons of energy. And she’s hilarious. So far, we’ve managed to destroy two voltage converters and part of the electricity in the lab together (well ok, that was mostly me). Nothing bonds you like the smell of burning plastic. We’ve also managed to nearly mow each other down in the hallway, prompting Elyssa (who’s very pregnant) to say “I’ll give you two a wide berth”. I realize this is totally immature, but a pregnant lady saying this (i.e., the word “berth”) when I was already laughing my ass off totally sent me (and therefore Suzanne) over the edge.

Then there’s Pam. Man, I love her. She’s in marketing. She’s a total girly girl (admits to being HM) super fab. She’s super soft spoken, has been through a lot of the same things that I have, and so gets me 100%. Talking with her is like therapy. What I admire about her is that she’s got 2 kids but recognized the need to do something that was totally for her. She is giving up one year with her children (who are with their dad, in Calgary) so she can have them come out here the 2^nd year she’s here. I think it takes a very strong person, first of all, to survive the kind of crap both of us have, but second of all, to do what you need to do for yourself so you can, in the end, be a better person for yourself and for your kids. On the weekend, we had a total girly day at the Grand Hyatt pool, then the most fabulous shower of my life at their spa, then dinner and drinks and it was the most relaxing day I’ve had since I got here.

Here's a video taken the last time we four went to try and see nesting sea turtles and had an absolutely awesome evening, despite not actually seeing any turtles. One turtle did come up on the beach while we were there, but changed her mind and went back to sea. Haven't you heard? Changing your mind is a female's right.
OK, this video, I'll also have to upload from work, which has a direct high-speed connection to Calgary. Because it's really short but it's been uploading for an hour and a half now with no end in sight. Man, does Qtel ever suck.

And then there’s Joanne. Her last name is Divine, and man, is she ever. She too has been through the man-wringer (a very common theme among UCQ women) and so yes, she gets where I’m coming from. But it’s more than that. Despite a fairly significant age difference, she and I laugh till our stomachs hurt. There are all these “Joanne-isms”. For instance. Me: “why are these cars parked on the sidewalk”. Her: “it’s not a sidewalk, it’s an extension of the road”. Me: “why is there a rihyal (Qatari paper money) sitting in the drink holder of your car?” Her: “I think it just blew in through the window”. Yeah, like there’s so much bloody $$ here, it just blows in through the windows. Oh and then there’s the whole Psycho shower scene thing (sorry, inside joke which I included so I won't forget it - this blog is for me too!). But she’s also a tremendously inspiring person. She has travelled the world, sometimes alone, sometimes with other people and there’s nothing this woman won’t tackle. She goes biking in the desert by herself, is planning a trip to Iran by herself and one to China, she has so much inner strength that I wish I could be like her. In the beginning, she had no choice but to hang out with me as she was assigned to be my UCQ buddy. But man, I’m so glad they put me with her and that she chooses to continue hanging out. Here's a video we took at the gold souqs.

These four women in particular are really special, but I really dig nearly everyone at work – it’s a great environment. And I've become quite close with Abdullah - I mean we spend at least a half-hour together in the car every day and we talk about all kinds of stuff, and he's just a fantastic human being. The crappy thing about this, of course, is that I’m already attached to my new friends and it’s only been a month. As much as I miss everyone in Canada, I know leaving Doha is going to be heart-wrenching, not just because I’ll be leaving behind an incredible place and adventure, but also these beautiful people.